Equal Writes

by Amelia Thomson-DeVeaux

Today, there was a lot of online discussion about whether boys can handle single-sex schools – well now, we have fairly definite proof that some can’t handle women’s schools.  Jeremy Pham, a Dartmouth student participating in an exchange program at Wellesley College, noticed a post on Wellesley’s FML site a few weeks ago, and decided to take it personally (the post said “I’m the only guy of a campus of 2,300 girls but I’m still not getting any” – Pham, however, is not the only male student at Wellesley).  Showing a truly mature spirit and goodwill toward his fellow students, Pham posted a tirade on Wellesley’s general discussion board.  It is hilariously horrible – and made me cry with laughter – so I’m going to reproduce it in its entirety:

I don’t speak much, since I’m pretty reserved by nature and I’m never really around either (I’m always doing projects at the other school in Cambridge). But since Wellesley girls apparently insist on writing false posts under my name, as well as treating my friends that visit here like crap just because they’re not 5’9 and don’t possess the male-dominated social space of the MIT fratboy that’s fucking the shit out of you nightly, I present to you…what normal, rational people think of you girls:

1) You are all a bunch of whores. No, seriously. The stereotype that Wellesley girls obsess over men is so true that it’s not even funny. Go to a normal school like Dartmouth (where one of your girls won’t leave after 4 terms because she wants to milk the place for all it’s worth) and you’ll see that nobody there obsesses to the degree that the people in the 5th percentile here do. Consequently, you all make poor decisions. Which is why people on the Internet laugh at you. Which is why people on the Internet will laugh at you even more when I make a reddit post detailing my experiences here.

2) You are all undeserving of the education and opportunities you have received. The sense of entitlement here is actually kind of incredible. Just to make sure it just wasn’t me, my friend visiting right now notices it too. And he’s much more outgoing, friendly, and chill than I am. But he’s not 5’9, so sorry girls. But there are some insecure dudes littering the streets of Commonwealth for your amusement.

3) You are all too easy. Some of us refuse to participate in the orgy of sexual tension here because we want to be respected for who we are, not what we are. Of course, for others, it’s as easy as dropping the MIT/Harvard moniker. I mean, what idiot thinks a meaningful relationship can develop out of a superficial encounter at a party? Seriously, WTF. At my school, there aren’t that many relationships. But at least we’re honest about the fact that most of us are just merely infatuated with the other party, and not actually “in love.”

Do not make up shit under false pretenses. Do not treat my friends like shit. Do it one more time, and I will sue you. It’s so funny that there’s this Wellesley Community discussion group thing going on, but if you girls can’t do something as trivial as leave me alone to do my own thing, you guys have no shot at forming a cohesive community. No fucking chance.

And I’ll just sit back and enjoy the schadenfreude.

Wellesley College is the alma mater of Madeleine Albright, Hillary Rodham Clinton and Nora Ephron, among many, many other distinguished women.  Its students are among the brightest women in the country.  Pham’s post would be maddening if it wasn’t so incoherent – and clearly it’s more about Pham’s social and academic anxiety than the women at Wellesley (I especially like his reference to “the other school in Cambridge”).  It also doesn’t make Dartmouth sound very appealing.  And seriously, what does Pham expect?  He gets dropped onto a campus full of girls and it’s suddenly his personal harem?

But wait, the saga continues!  Pham posted a classic non-apology, containing these words of true regret:

A college community is the perfect place to learn from one another. I have learned that many people do care about community and how I as “a man” can fit into it. This was my original hope when I wrote my first post. I do care about this community and do want to learn different points of views about a multitude of topics. But to do this, we need to respect each other. I hope that we can equally show each other some kindness and respect.

I can only be a productive and positive member of this community if we work together. But it can be hard when I feel ostracized here.

Oh, poor baby!  It’s hard to feel sorry for someone who just referred to an entire campus full of women as “whores.”  And it’s even harder to pity poor, ostracized Pham, who apparently forgot that Facebook is not by any means a private place to vent his problems, and posted this status (perhaps my favorite part of this whole exchange):

alright so because someone wrote some false post about me on the intarw3b at wellesley, i wrote this post calling them all entitled whores and whatnot; clearly as a troll (and to some extent, you have to admit that that is true) on the open forum @ wellesley and there was a SHITSTORM of responses. while the whole community is out protesting and acting all butthurt, i’m just sitting around lol’ing.

you fuck with me, and i’ll plant a dagger in your ass. simple as that.

Well, there you have it.  A charming, charming, truly contrite man.  But there was one more response (as Katy at Jezebel points out, he is nothing if not prolific).  The same evening as the Facebook status, Pham posted this on the general message board:

I’m really sorry…]
…for ever coming here. And calling all of you whores. Clearly, some of you are still very upset about my Community post, but I have learned a lot about the difficulties that a woman faces every single day in America. It brings a tear to my eye (metaphorically) to know that some of you are very passionate about women’s rights, but I feel that your energies are misdirected. Sure you will deal with me and eradicate me from this campus in style, but your problems will still be there. Your inability to get to the root of the issues that plague our world will still be there. While other guys give me fist pumps and brag about their conquests at this school, I must endure the brunt of your criticisms so that you may all be united under the banner of activism.

And it worked perfectly.

Oh, I see.  Pham called women “whores” because he wants the campus to unite to address bigger issues, problems that are far more serious than, say, misogyny.  So Pham is really a crusader for women’s rights!  It all makes sense now.

According to tipsters, Pham may have been expelled from the exchange program, and was recently escorted from his room.  He might also be facing suspension from Dartmouth for violating the honor code and “using obscene language that suggests sexual harassment” (this last part is unverified).  One hates to say it, but…schadenfreude?