Equal Writes

by Nidya Sarria

There comes a time when many of us succumb to the lure of relationship self-help books. Ever heard of He’s Just Not That Into You? Or Steve Harvey’s Act like a Lady, Think like a Man? Out of this happy tradition comes Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough by Lori Gottlieb.

Described as a “diet book for your love life” by Jezebel, Marry Him focuses on the idea that women should, well, settle. There is no prince charming out there, Gottlieb claims, and certainly no knight-in-shining armor. Given this state of affairs, women are advised to marry while they still can – or else they’ll presumably end up like her, middle-aged and writing bitter relationship guides.

Pessimistic? Maybe. But Gottlieb, among others, would probably argue that this is actually quite realistic – and maybe it is. Life isn’t a fairytale, after all, and few people can ever measure up to the expectations set before them by society. Just as most women are not beautiful, thin, intelligent, charming, etc, all of the time, most men do not fulfill every requirement on the checklist. It makes sense then that women should weigh the pros and cons of staying in a relationship with a guy that’s just “good enough” – but if and only if getting married is the end goal.

Unfortunately, twenty-somethings cannot know where life will take them. There are plenty of women who believe they don’t need to be married to be happy. Personally, I think they’re right, but to each her own. If marriage is your goal, maybe settling is the wise course of action. But I’d examine why you want to get married so badly in the first place. Is it the companionship? The children? The stigma of being single? By settling, women give up the possibility of a truer love, and whatever Gottlieb says, I think that’s a shame.